omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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