you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I forget how to act sober
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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