Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone

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  (215): some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone http://tfl.nu/uc8d
  Replies (1) Good night (800) Bad night (1124)
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  (626): View more from California

  Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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  (626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf
  Replies (57) Good night (778) Bad night (3343)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

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  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
  Replies (64) Good night (8048) Bad night (824)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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  (251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq
  Replies (38) Good night (986) Bad night (3797)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming

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  (862): this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming http://tfl.nu/d5m0
  Replies (34) Good night (4159) Bad night (993)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

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  (931): I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then. http://tfl.nu/2mcz
  Replies (28) Good night (6141) Bad night (4734)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.

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  (406): drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor. http://tfl.nu/nkni
  Replies (4) Good night (1574) Bad night (1035)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...

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  (403): At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life... http://tfl.nu/7jwj
  Replies (17) Good night (2310) Bad night (586)
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  (310): View more from California

  Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.

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  (310): Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded. http://tfl.nu/s8id
  Replies (11) Good night (801) Bad night (1822)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.

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  (989): I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story. http://tfl.nu/i8j1
  Replies (1) Good night (922) Bad night (485)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job

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  (732): Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job http://tfl.nu/u9q1
  Replies (4) Good night (1153) Bad night (321)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.

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  (330): multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint. http://tfl.nu/lrrp
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.

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  (704): I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun. http://tfl.nu/zwea
  Replies (0) Good night (313) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.

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  (320): I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset. http://tfl.nu/g6h4
  Replies (1) Good night (786) Bad night (310)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.

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  (214): You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much. http://tfl.nu/2bui
  Replies (1) Good night (410) Bad night (192)

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