Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.