I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Go have a frustration cry and get over it