he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
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so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.