break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I won the penis lottery.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.