Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
whose parrot is this?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
