Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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