He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
