You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
