So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
