Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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