Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
