meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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