I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
