...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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