do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
