my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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