Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
