I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
