i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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