Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
