the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
