you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
