Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
