Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
