Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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