escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Randomize
