so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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