my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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