you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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