i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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