She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
