remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.