I bet he comes in French.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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