u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem