and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.