How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.