You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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