Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
