Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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