it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
