My friends, they love my intelligence
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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