its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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