Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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