i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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