pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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