Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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