The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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