you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
