i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
