he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
