walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
