Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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