I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
