Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Enjoy the penises
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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