god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
