kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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