Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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