Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
