yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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