Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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