I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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