i was rollin on her like bob the builder
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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