Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
