Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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