I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
