Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
