Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
