If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
