i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
