how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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