I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
