dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
