My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
