We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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