you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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