All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
