look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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