The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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