The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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