i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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