so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
