"it" just moved
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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