Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
