if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
too bad you live with your parents still
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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