dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
