She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
