Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
