it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
