I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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