While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
