I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
