I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
