My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
